By T.J. REID for the Keizertimes
I’ve never been interested in participating in the never-ending “is Die Hard a Christmas movie?” discourse. It’s annoying, and when it comes down to it, who really cares?
But for the purpose of this introduction I will put in my two cents by saying that I believe there are Christmas movies and there are Christmas-adjacent movies. The latter may take place during Christmas, they may have Christmas songs and Yuletide imagery, but the spirit of the holidays isn’t present so they aren’t true Christmas movies.
This might be because the main character is shooting up terrorists in Nakatomi Plaza, or it might be a result of Christmas being mostly incidental to the plot and themes. Nutcrackers is Christmas-adjacent, and it’s also probably the most predictable film I have ever seen.
Let’s see if you can guess what happens when Ben Stiller’s character, an uptight big-city businessman who is obsessed with business-y things like business meetings and spreadsheets, is asked to temporarily take care of his freshly orphaned and highly rambunctious (yet lovable!) nephews while an attractive and single social worker tries to find them a permanent foster home. Two weeks or so before Christmas, mind you, as the film occasionally sees fit to remind you.
If you have seen a movie before, or read a book, or experienced any kind of narrative at all in your life you probably sussed out the ending of Nutcrackers as quickly as I did just now. And I’m sorry to tell you that the journey to that ending is just as banal as the destination itself, with overplayed moments such as a party at the rich guy’s house gone bad to the oldest kid needing love advice from an uncomfortable adult.
That all being said, Nutcrackers does have a sweetness to it thanks to some genuinely good performances from Stiller and the Janson brothers, the four real-life siblings who play the four brothers in the film. You can sometimes tell that this the Jansons’ first foray into film, but their mischievous cuteness is enough to make their freshman attempt at acting memorable. Stiller, for his part, is muted, solid, and effective. Their performances and chemistry generally keep things from becoming boring, even when things are at their most routine.
But Nutcrackers isn’t really a Christmas movie. Sure, the final act of the film revolves around a performance of The Nutcracker ballet (pretty much Christmas-adjacent itself), but this is the only significant tie to the holiday, and it is one that could have easily been swapped out for any other production at any other time of the year with little to no effect on the plot.
This, to me, makes it Christmas-adjacent at best, no matter how many Christmas songs they throw into the scene transitions or festive trees they place in the background.
Overall Nutcrackers makes for an underwhelming experience, especially if one is looking for cheer that is specific to the holiday season. There’s just not enough deviation from formula, not enough meat on its bones, and not enough magic.
Nutcrackers is now available on Hulu.