Why I never!

Never have I seen the incomparable Paula Abdul in concert, or an epic WWE pay-per-view in person — or ever been blinded by the flashbulbs of an NBA All-Star Weekend.

I’ve never bought a home, a boat, an RV, or even a riding lawnmower for that matter.

At no time, have I been on an awe-inspiring Alaskan cruise, or watched your . . .

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