9 a.m., Saturday.
You’re inside your living room when a black pickup cruises past your home slowly. The couple inside the truck is eyeballing your home, scoping out the scene.
Good thing you’ve installed a surveillance cam on the front porch.
Are they porch pirates? Too bad you don’t have one of those exploding glitter boxes that you saw in that viral video.
They could be cat burglars casing the joint. Do they want to give you a landscaping or roofing quote? Are they those dastardly security system scammers?
Maybe you could put them on blast on social media.
Maybe they’re religious recruiters or long-lost cousins on a road trip across the country? Maybe they used to live here?
They speed off down the street, out of sight. “That was weird. What’s up with that?” you ask yourself.
Those unwanted gawkers are at your home because they followed your bright yellow sign at the corner of River and Chemawa, leading them to your home.
They’re simply bargain hunting, garage salers—two weeks too late.
This would’ve never happened if you would have removed the sign following your sale. Instead you were lazy, or you forgot.
So pretty please, with sugar on top — after your sale, make it a priority to collect your signs and properly dispose of them. Perhaps, even recycle it in your blue bin.
If you follow through, you’re less likely to receive any unwanted guests. Plus, you’ll less likely be contributing to Keizer’s litter issue.
No one says “I wanna be a junkie when I grow up.” And nobody likes a litterbug.
(Andrew Jackson is the Keizertimes production manager, graphic designer and resident smart aleck.)