Tongue in cheek

To the Editor:

First, I would like to thank you for the March 22 article regarding River Road and the four options facing the Keizer Traffic Safety, Bikeways and Pedestrian Committee (title here).

As a Keizer resident for 42 years, I would like to offer two more options:

Option 5—Slow streets are safe streets. Convert the center and left lanes into a bicycle/skateboard freeway and force all vehicular traffic to share the single right lanes. Even without buses and the occasional farm machinery, this would greatly reduce the speeds of all drivers. They would quickly conclude that it is faster to ride a bike (or walk) than to drive River Road. Thus, we would save lives and the Earth at the same time.

Option 6—Overhead sidewalks. As all have undoubtedly noticed, both sides of River Road have innumerable marijuana and coffee shops. We could economically connect the roofs of these businesses to form elevated walkways. The former street level sidewalks would provide ample space for bicycle/skateboard lanes while we raise pedestrians, joggers, and others above street and driveway hazards. I know what you’re thinking, “How much will all the stairways and elevators cost to access the walkways?” The city should provide vouchers which can be redeemed at any of the city’s licensed pot shops. After one or two joints the pedestrian will be high enough to render elevators or stairs unnecessary.

David Garvin, Keizer